This year Josh is taking her to France for a week. Just the two of them…for a whole week.  Maya is simultaneously excited about going to France but dreading having to deal with Josh’s desires to photograph every cathedral within a 200 mile radius. There will be the promised trip to EuroDisney as well as the stays in fancy chateaus to appease her but really, she knows she going to get driven around France and be forced to take any number of tours at completely boring (as far as she’s concerned) places like Normandy and Mont St. Michel and be forced to eat things like healthy food.  For the record, I fully support the torture.

As for me, I will be embarking on what I now call my “Momcation.” Josh keeps asking me if I’m upset about him taking her on a trip by himself.  To be honest I’m all for it and yes it’s for purely selfish reasons.  You can judge me all you want and, yes, I can hear your internal brooding of “If I were her I’d be pissed” and “What kind of mother is happy to have her kid gone for a week?” Let me tell you something…all mothers would give their left kidney to save their child’s life but they’d also give up their right kidney to have complete silence with no strings attached for a week.  They may tell you different to your face, but, deep down, we all love the thought of unadulterated peace and quiet. I will even give up a trip to France if it means I can come home every night and engage in such mindless activities as building the Lego Hogwarts while drinking a glass of wine.

Said Lego Hogwarts. You can't see my wine because I'm drinking it

Josh travels A LOT. So much so that Maya gets confused as to where he is and when he’s coming home. He really doesn’t get to see her all that much so that’s why I think trips like this are important.  That also means that all the errand running, meal prep, yard work, etc. falls to me Mon-Thurs pretty much every week.  Now, I’ll admit, I suck at accomplishing the majority of those on a daily basis.  Frankly, our yard looks a lot like one you would find at an abandoned house most of the time and I hate doing dishes with a passion BUT I also work full-time so cut me some slack, haters! Every morning I wake up, get Maya up, feed her, make sure she gets dressed, make sure she at least looks at a brush, pack her lunch and then get her out the door to her bus hopefully with both shoes on.  In the evening it’s picking her up, feeding her, making sure she does her homework, and getting her ready for bed.  And I just have one kid! If I had any more I’m pretty sure my brain would devolve into a gelatinous mound of goo and I’d go off on a zombie rampage every night by 10:00. (I’m seriously not cut out for multi children parenting so don’t try to convince me that it’s easier with two).

The thought of not having to do all that for a whole week is insane.  Plus I need a do-over from last year because last year my office moved during the week of the daddy-daughter trip so all my evenings were spent mentally and physically recovering from that nightmare.  Every time I think about this trip I see myself running blissfully through fields followed by unicorns and fairies while eating packages of Hostess Sno-Balls. In reality, I’ll probably just go home, make ramen noodles, watch 500 hours of Lord of the Rings, and knit myself a complete set of Harry Potter characters. The point is, for one week, I can do that.  I can spend a whole Saturday in the yarn aisle at Michael’s if I want.  I could spend 12 hours on Pinterest (oh wait, I do that now).  Whatever.  It’s like Willy Wonka and the Nobody’s At Home Factory and this time we’re gonna see if the elevator can go diagonal AND upside down.

Being a mom is a hard job and it’s not often that you get to clock out. I love being a mother. I love being a wife. Sometimes, though, it’s nice to just be a reclusive dork.  I’m sure by day 5 I’ll be lonely but that’s when I’ll hit up my SILs for a spa day or call up my buddy to go to the knife fight karaoke bar we love to go to.  And then, I’ll finally get to scoop Maya up in my arms, give her a giant hug, and ask her to tell me all about her trip with daddy. And all will be right in the world.

How on Earth do you abandon your ship? You’re the CAPTAIN.  Dude, if that had been Captain Kirk, he would have been down in the hull helping Scotty keep the ship from falling to pieces. Thank goodness they didn’t have the Genesis device aboard or we’d all be toast.  Something tells me this guy wouldn’t pull a Spock and fix the warp drive at his own peril either.  Oh and hey, Mr. Captain man, did you happen to notice that your boat was on its side thanks to the gaping hole you put in it? That’s not exactly a normal departure procedure. Emergency evacuations are stressful enough when the boat is upright much less at an 80* pitch.  “Sure folks, you’ll be fine. Just follow the blinking lights to the um…uh…the uh…shore. I’m sure it’s not far away. And really you’ll adjust to the water once you get it.  I know it’s only 8 degrees but it’s a warm 8. We’re in the Mediterranean after all! Whew, look at the time! They need me on the Lido deck…right next to the life rafts.”

Even if they don’t convict this guy of the charges against him, I hear by charge and convict him of being a douchebag.  I vote we have that US Airways pilot Sully Sullenberger fly to Italy and teach this guy a thing or two about piloting a craft in an emergency. He had to land a dang PLANE in a river and people said it was a smooth landing. Better yet, everyone survived!  Neither of those things can be said about this idiot.

UGH! Off my soapbox *stomp, stomp, stomp*

Can spiders really be cute and fuzzy?

Go ahead and say EWWWWWWWW! I won’t think less of you.  Still, this photo is pretty darn cool. Honestly, ignoring the fact that this is a spider, it’s actually quite handsome if you ask me.  These orange kneed tarantulas, natives of Costa Rica, quietly hang out in their spider holes waiting for an unwitting moth to come by.  Ok that sounds kind of gross but really, they’re so cool to look at!  We found this beauty on the side of a road in Monteverde during a night walk. I was actually really taken by the soft, velvety covering they have.  Turns out they can actually shoot their hairs out at you if they get scared.  Gah! I did it again. Tarantulas really make me schizophrenic.  They are beautiful creatures and I appreciate their amazing spidery skills.  I just don’t want to get too friendly with one. Hopefully this one was able to find a snack and some peace after we so rudely disturbed its quiet time.

Stuff will happen no matter where you are which is why crisis management skills are so important.  Here are some tips on keeping your cool when the worst happens:

• Take a class in First Aid.  This is important for two reasons. 1. You’ll know first aid 2. The biggest skill they teach in First Aid after wrapping a tourniquet is how to stay calm in an emergency.  Once you know how to focus your mind when it’s racing with a million thoughts you’ll be able to tackle anything from a lost wallet to a medical emergency.
• Know where to get help.  If you’re headed overseas, know the location of the nearest consulate. Sometimes this won’t be anywhere close to you but you’ll know where you need to go.
• Find out how to say the words for help, police, “I have an emergency,” hospital, and others in the native language of where you’re going.  I’m not suggesting you be fluent in another language but being able to communicate important words essential to emergency management along with a lot of pantomime will get you help faster
• Know your rights. Just because you have the right to an attorney here doesn’t mean you will where you’re going.  Understand the local laws and how to get help if you’re a foreign citizen.

You never know what can happen and anything that can happen here can happen anywhere.  Just like the bus sideswiping us in Costa Rica.  It was scary (and thank goodness we weren’t in our rental!) but it’s something that could happen anywhere.  The most important thing to remember is DON’T PANIC.  Oh, and always know where your towel is.

Path to Monteverde

Today’s featured photo is from the beautiful and preternatural looking Monteverde Cloud Forest in Monteverde, Costa Rica.  I just can’t get enough of these photos that Josh took.  The walk up was a tough one at times but it was so worth it.  We didn’t see too much wildlife but got to hear lots of birds and soak in all the amazing foliage.  We did manage to catch a glimpse of the always elusive Quetzal so that was a real treat.  The walk also made me realize that any attemtps I make at keeping impatiens alive will be fruitless in the arid hot summers here in Chicago.  They flourished there in Monteverde and for good reason.  Cool temps, lots of moisture, and tons of shade.  I have none of that in Chicago in July. Anyway, If you’re ever trying to find a cool place to go, definitely give Costa Rica a thought! It’s gorgeous!

Today’s featured photo comes from the beautiful city of Sfax, Tunisia.  I have been hoping beyond all hope that things in Tunisia will settle down enough that people feel comfortable going there again because, to be honest, Tunisia is one of the most amazing places I’ve been and I can’t wait to go back some day.  The Bardo Museum in Tunis has the most impressive collection of hand-made mosaics dating back to the Roman period I have ever seen. The detail is absolutely mind-boggling especially when you consider these were made by hand thousands of years ago. (Sadly, it seems as though the Bardo Museum is under major renovation but scheduled to reopen in March 2012). If you want Roman ruins without the fuss of tourist traps Tunisia is the place for you.  It boasts the second largest (and frankly way more intact) coliseum outside of Rome, amazing Roman ruins at Carthage and Dougga, as well as several filming locations for Star Wars. The medinas in Sfax and Tunis aren’t quite as nice as the ones we found in Egypt or Istanbul but they were enchanting all the same.  This photo was taken from one of the squares just outside the medina in Sfax.  When Maya was little one of her favorite things was to have me spin her wildly in a circle.  This time, Josh managed to get us spinning mid-stream. Good thing I’ve got a strong grip!

We had so much fun in Turkey. From the beautiful surroundings to the many wonderful smells of the markets Istanbul was a great place to spend New Years. Now everyone knows that one of Turkey’s most famous attractions are the Turkish baths. Our good friends Robin and Bill met us in Istanbul for the holiday and we spent the week egging each other on to go to one of the baths. Josh was a total wimp and refused. Bill considered it for about two seconds and then chickened out too. So, in the end, it was just me and Robin left to represent. Robin asked the front desk about a good place to go and we were nervously on our way.

When we got there my heart was beating fast with anticipation. Women and men are separated into different sections of the bath so Robin and I split up. I headed to the womens section completely unsure of what to do. Lets just say Turkish baths don’t involve a lot of clothing. I came to the horrible realization that perhaps I should have brought a swimsuit. Since I didn’t I had no choice but to go all in. Yeah, that kind of all in. I was totally mortified and tiptoed into to spa convinced that every eye was on me. I soon realized we were all in the same boat and after about 20 minutes of sitting around on a boiling hot stone platform my mind calmed down. Probably from the heat. And, just in time for the next horribly embarassing event to take place.

See when I went in, I was given a key for a locker and a token for a massage. Now when I think massage I think calm room, intimate lighting, privacy. Not so at a turkish bath. What you do is lay down on the edge of the stone platform in a room filled to the brim with women chit chatting away and wait for one of the bath ladies to come around and give you your “massage.” It’s a total crapshoot as to who you will get. Will it be the friendly chick who knows some English or the older lady who speaks no English and looks like she’s had a bad day and needs to scrub out some aggression? Guess which one I got.

Now I will say, it wasn’t all bad. Old lady would dunk a pillowcase into warm soapy water and squeeze out tons of bubbles. It was actually fun to watch her work. However, this was immediately followed by a vigorous skin sloughing with a loofah mitt. This was the time when old lady would think about the jerk who shorted her $5 in tips the night before and would mentally act out the revenge altercation on my back with said loofah mitt. I’m pretty sure Iost the top two layers of my skin that night. But hey I was clean! After that they washed my hair and then left me to try to recover.

In the end, ignoring the loss of my dermis, it was actually not half bad. I was squeaky clean and had a rare few hours all to myself. When Robin and I met up again we shared war stories which culminated in Robin coming to the realization that there were no towels involved on the women’s side. I think he was simultaneously glad that they required towels throughout the process for the guys and jealous that I had spent the evening in a room full of women who, well, weren’t required. In fact, you looked pretty idiotic if you did.

We returned to the hotel to celebrate New Years Eve with the hotel staff up in the restaurant. None of the other guests were there. It was just me, Josh, Maya, Robin, Bill, the front desk lady, and the bar guy and his precious little daughter. At midnight we watched a few fireworks get set off over the Bosphorus and rejoiced in how awesome life was at that moment.

Lake Louise, Banff National Park

The second featured photo is of Moraine Lake.  Almost 1,000 ft higher in elevation, Moraine Lake was the perfect quiet stop during our tour of the Canadian Rockies. What it lacks in tourist attractions it more than makes up for in views.  If you thought Lake Louise was an unnatural blue, you have to go see Moraine Lake.  This trip was my first time experiencing glacial waters so the intense aqua blues of Moraine Lake left me awestruck.  It reminded me of the completely unnatural stream running through Munchkinland in The Wizard of Oz. The only thing missing was Judy Garland and her ruby slippers.

Lake Moraine, Banff National Park

Banff National Park is just a few hours from Calgary in Alberta, Canada and many companies offer tours through the Canadian Rockies stopping off at both Lake Louise and Moraine Lake.  To be honest, the whole trip was one picture perfect vista after another and well worth the day long tour.  To plan your visit to Banff National Park, check out their official website.